1. Receive financial aid package in mail. Be amused by the small section labeled “gift aid,” and try not to hyperventilate at the sight of the rest.
2. a. Call financial aid advisor and ask her a multitude of questions.
b. Email financial aid advisor with other remaining questions.
c. Call a few days later with a few other questions that “just popped up.”
d. Apologize to financial aid advisor for calling her six times in one day.
3. Decide to accept less than the school gave you as far as loans, and expend a huge sigh of relief.
4. Quit your job.
5. Realize you need more money than you thought.
6. Cry into the sink.
7. Go to church and listen to a message about making wise financial decisions.
8. Jot down the part about Faustus and throw away the paper you typed out earlier that week entitled “My Deal with the Devil.”
9. Memorize Luke 6:38—“Give and it will be given to you. Pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.
10. Buy your aunt a new corkscrew and drink lots and lots of good red wine.