Stillness

I am learning stillness
Sitting on the living room floor
After a snow storm
It feels like I'm in a clearing of a deserted wood
Which is nice
But it's not the stillness I'm talking about


I'm talking about loneliness
I'm thinking of wandering up and down St. Mark's
Buying cheese danishes from the Jewish bakery
Cheese danishes that I don't end up eating
Because I didn't want them
I don't know what I want


Kathleen Graber in book four tells me to wait
Like she knows
When she looks at me
Lying in my bed
The world flashing
Want need now
Every minute of every day
She shakes her head
Didn't she know the sea would always bring more?


*Photo: The Boy's back yard.